American Horror Story: Season 6; Episode 9: The Semi-Finale

Warning: Spoilers ahead!

Those of you still playing AHS Bingo,  then you get a blackout this episode, as we begin with horror trope # 12579: fanatic re-enactors with selfie sticks in the woods. They’re following the path of “My Roanoke Nightmare” and they were just oh-so-excited to retrace the show’s steps during the blood moon. Within minutes they find the ghost of the production crew assistant who died back in episode 6. This results in even more eye rolls and blood fodder, but at least we get a quick glimpse at Taissa Farmiga, who makes a last minute appearance this season.

Back at the REAL story, Wes Bentley returns as the pig-man actor who is conveniently a war veteran! He’s got the skills to get out of the woodland area and call for help, but does he do it? Naaaah, of course not. Instead, it is time for Mission Improbable: Saving Angela Bassett.

As expected, things don’t go well. Bentley dies – no surprise – and the colonial ghost party shows up under the ominous blood moon. Sarah Paulson and Angela Bassett make a run to the house, and ask each other “Why did we come back here?” That seems to be the question of the whole series. Why did we come back to this house?

We then see Lee make a deal, of sorts, with the witch in the woods, eating a pig’s heart to save herself in the dark. Then, we flip back to the selfie-stick trio as they run into the newly butcher-ized Lee, and of course, Lee brings out her knife.

Farmiga and her friend find the control panel of “Return to Roanoke” and pose yet another very real question, “Is any of this even real?” while they watch Lee limp her way towards the house to get her murder on with Paulson and Bassett. This prompts the remaining two selfie-stickers to try going to the house to save them.

Angela Bassett goes down first, being pushed off the landing of the second floor and into a spike. Then Paulson, after being stabbed and shoved down a secret hole in the ground.

Farmiga and her friend go next, impaled by Lee and the ghost mob as the sacrifice for this strange little patch of North Carolina land.

The cops show up the next morning and find a long trail of dead bodies  and an almost dead Sarah Paulson! Turns out she’s not dead yet, and Lee isn’t either. But given that we already know that only one member of the party survives, we know that only one of them can live. It is Lee. Paulson quickly gets shot by police after she tries to steal a gun and get rid of the murderous Lee.

Despite the fact that this whole season is basically done, we still have one more episode left. What else could they POSSIBLY add to this show? I have no idea. But at this point, we’re all tired of watching it and just waiting for AHS to be over.

Next week we’ll cover the finale and I’ll give my final thoughts on where AHS went wrong this year. Stay tuned for the not-so-epic conclusion, folks.

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